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General >> Jon's Pub.... >> Bartender!
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Message started by Chuck Jodry on 26th May, 2008 at 7:53am

Title: Bartender!
Post by Chuck Jodry on 26th May, 2008 at 7:53am
We all been working too hard and its about time that we had a happy hour ! , a Grolsh if i may good sir,

tradition has it one quaffs’ their favourite brew while shooting the breeze , tasteless jokes a prerequisite..

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners ? so we men can remember the punchline...

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by J_MacKay on 26th May, 2008 at 7:24pm
I'd love to post some humor, but all the good jokes I have are ones that have been posted here.

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by N2056 on 26th May, 2008 at 11:26pm
A blond, a horse, a midget, and a leprechaun walk into a bar....
The bartender looks up and says "What is this? Some kind of a joke?!"

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by Paco Sanchez on 27th May, 2008 at 3:10am

N2056 wrote on 26th May, 2008 at 11:26pm:
A blond, a horse, a midget, and a leprechaun walk into a bar....
The bartender looks up and says "What is this? Some kind of a joke?!"



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Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by Bjoern on 27th May, 2008 at 3:11pm
George W. Bush, Gordon Brown and Angela Merkel are sitting on the baltic coast.
They talk about weapon systems.

Brown says: "Our submarines can stay underwater for two weeks before having to surface."

Bush says: "Ha! That's nothing! Our subs can stay underwater for three months befor having to surface!"

Merkel sits there, all quiet.
She tries to say something when suddenly a u-boat surfaces directly off the coast.

The hatch flies open, someone climbs out, gets himself a small boat, comes ashore and yells:

"HEIL HITLER, we need fuel!"






*Cough*
(First one I could think of)

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by Fr. Bill on 29th May, 2008 at 11:46pm
A Really Bad Day...

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink
for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps
next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
The poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time," the biker
says. "I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy
between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and
was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.

When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I
don't have any insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after
the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab.

At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog
bit me.

So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an
end to my life, and then you show up and drink the poison!"

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by Paco Sanchez on 30th May, 2008 at 3:14am
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.

"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.

"Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."

"No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by GEEWNZ on 30th May, 2008 at 6:02pm
Mark was feeling a bit down today. His day had turned to custard, having had his wife left him. Actually he'd also lost his house that week - the Bank having foreclosed on it, so Mark was feeling really down. Mark was really on a downer as he had lost his job the month before, so couldn't pay his mortgage.In fact it had been a bad life so Mark was feeling so down he had decided to take his life.
As he stopped on the middle of the bridge he thought back on how bad his life had been, on the stupid jerk that had just totalled his car on the way here. Mark was so down, that there wasn't anything that could make his life any worse, he thought, as he climbed the rail of the bridge making ready to jump. . . .  and just then he hears "Mark, Mark! Mark, Mark!" Mark turns around and who do you think he sees? A dog with a hair lip!

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by Chuck Jodry on 31st May, 2008 at 8:07am
That was a sophisticated Joke GEEWNZ, i had to look up what Country you live in afterwards as this style was beyond most Northern cultures.

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by GEEWNZ on 1st Jun, 2008 at 5:14pm
LOL, I'll try to tone it down a bit next time then.

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by foxwolfen on 4th Jun, 2008 at 2:38pm
This is a Canadian Joke. As you know we have two official languages. English and French.

An English Canadian is on holiday in Australia. While traveling in the outback he meets an Aussie who is very proud of his land.

"Here in the Oz, we have Kangaroo's that can jump 8 feet high!" he says.

The Canadian laughs...

"Oh ya?", he says, "In Canada, we have frogs driving trucks".

Title: Re: Bartender!
Post by Fr. Bill on 4th Jun, 2008 at 7:34pm
     Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench
     outside a nursing home. An old Grandpa walked by, and
     one of the old Grandma's yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tell
     exactly how old you are.'
     
     The old man said, 'There ain't no way you can guess
     it, you old fools.'
     
     One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop
     your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.'
     
     Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they
     couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
     
     The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple
     of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up
     and said,  'You're 87 years old!'
     
     Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the
     old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess?'
     
     Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all
     three old ladies happily yelled in unison
     
     'We were at your birthday party yesterday!

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