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Airline stories (Read 2898 times)
22nd Jun, 2008 at 1:16pm

foxwolfen   Offline
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.  The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.'  He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.  Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. 

She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
 

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Reply #1 - 23rd Jun, 2008 at 7:28am

mariopilot   Offline
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Lots of these stories hang around ... that one is afun... so read on:

On a flight directed to New York, one of these ladies all dressed up like "I'm full of money, pride and so on" entered the plane, and sat down on a 1st class seat. While checking the seats, the Flight attendant said her she had to go to economy class as her ticket sais. She replied "I'ma beautiful girl, and I go on first class". The F\A Insisted: "You got to go to 2nd class as the plane is full and this place belongs to someone esle" .THe reply was "nope, I'm going to saty here! no way!" after several other attempts, the Flight assistant called the captain who approached the lady, and after just a few mninutes she walked back to her 2nd class seat. "What did you said to her?" asked the puzzled flight attendant. The captain responded: "I told her the 1st calss isn't going to New York" ...  Grin

Another one (one of my favs):

An impressively vigrous man sits downb on his seat. He is a some boxing champin of some kind. As the flight attendant asked him to fasten his seatbelt prior to takeoff, he replied "Superman needs no seatbelt!" the F\A replied without missing a bite "Superman need no airplane, either!"

Grin
 

Mariopilot
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Reply #2 - 23rd Jun, 2008 at 12:34pm

foxwolfen   Offline
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LOL  Grin

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport .  After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles .  The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.  Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' 

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.  You should see the front of my pants!'

A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing.  You should see the back of mine!'  Shocked Grin

 

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Reply #3 - 24th Jun, 2008 at 6:52am

Paco Sanchez   Offline
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That's a good one Shad!

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner were seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they could get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then, the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot, “You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!”
 

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Reply #4 - 24th Jun, 2008 at 7:11am

foxwolfen   Offline
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LMAO  Grin Grin

OK, this one is supposedly a true story of what a flight attendant said over the IC:

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.  And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'

Cheers
Shad
 

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Reply #5 - 24th Jun, 2008 at 11:03pm

nycpilot   Offline
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Upon a landing into Dallas in a 747- the FO was flying the plane while the Captain was working the radios. The Captain was a good ole boy from the south and the FO was a young new hire. Well the FO really screwed up the landing and landed hard on the runway.

The Captain readjust himself in the seat after the landing and says "Well son, I think you just put some poor Chinamen into outerspace with that landing."
 
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Reply #6 - 25th Jun, 2008 at 2:16am

foxwolfen   Offline
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LOL

Eric, you will fit in here just fine  Smiley

Sooo....

Apparently Delta has a new high speed cargo loading system:  Grin Grin

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Reply #7 - 25th Jun, 2008 at 10:18am

mariopilot   Offline
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That poor L-1011!!!
IfdI recall the story correctly, the engine was just atsrted, and the trolley that happened to be just near started to soll and got sucked up in the intake... the engine just stalled and damage was minimal with just some to the intake fairing luckily ....
 

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Reply #8 - 27th Jun, 2008 at 6:34am

Paco Sanchez   Offline
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Here's an old joke about Basque people (they are said to be tough and not always wanting to do things'by the book').

A 747 with Basque crew is on final approach. When the runway is in sight, they find it to be terribly short. They manage however to perform an incredible landing and bring the 747 to a stop within the available 60 feet. The pilot says to the co-pilot: "I've never in my life seen such a short runway!". The copilot looks out of the window on his side and sees several thousand feet of runway in this direction. He says: "And I've never seen one so wide!"
 

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Reply #9 - 29th Jun, 2008 at 11:17am

Björn   Offline
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Someone posted this at SimHQ...


"A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?" The mother couldn't think of an answer and told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle to ask the flight attendant. The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mommy tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Yes, she did." "Oh how sweet, well then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mommy explain that to you...""

Cheesy
 

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Reply #10 - 24th Oct, 2008 at 4:53am

jonbouy   Offline
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Actually heard on ATC:

A very dry lady controller issuing directives for Gatwick approach called out "Descend 9000 for a TIMBA hold you are No.12 to land", the Pilot recieving this message expressed with some alarm having just spent 7 hours over the Atlantic "Hey that's rubbish, whats gonna happen when the traffic here has doubled like it's set to".

"Well", replied the controller, as cool as you like, "You'll be number 24"... Cool


Safety First:

Don't forget folks if flying, always choose a twin over a single engine plane. In the event of an engine failure there is always enough power in the second engine to take you to the scene of the crash... Undecided
 

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